“Some overgrown pet Iguana chasing ‘The Rock’ now suffering from baldness around an ‘Alice in Wonderland’ style CGI island full of giant insects and tiny elephants sounds like bollocks…… and it is!”

Journey 2: The Mysterious Island Review
By Simon Jago

It’s not Jules Vern’s fault for inspiring the imaginations of many with his stories of adventure, but its someones damn fault that he had to inspire a sequel to the dreadful ‘Journey to the centre of the Earth’ remake in 2008 and I’m blaming him. Journey 2 is so awful that even Brendan Fraser with his career these days quieter than a nun’s bedroom has decided to avoid this one like the plague. The only thing I can’t understand is how the putrid script suckered in acting favorites of mine Michael Caine and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. I guess everyone has bills to pay?

PLOT SYNOPSIS
Sean Anderson (Josh Hutchinson) manages to receive a cryptic message from who he believes is his grandfather Alexander (Michael Cane). Deciphering it with the help of ex-Navy step dad Hank (Dwayne Johnson), the two then venture on a mission to find Alexander who is living on Jules Vern’s ‘Mysterious Island’. Meeting Kailani (Vanessa Hudgens) and her Dad (Luis Guzman), the four become stranded on the Island and ironically enough, mysterious things begin to happen.

SIMON SLATES
In short, Journey 2 is such a CGI crapfest it will have your eye sockets so stuffed with computer generated nonsense you will feel like vomiting all over the poor TV screen that has had the sorry pleasure of displaying this rubbish. The film is dreadful and has absolutely no redeeming features.

There are so many things I hated in this film. Especially how everything they read in a Jules Vern novel is accepted as absolute fact. In ‘Mysterious Island’ a certain Captain Nemo had a ship called the Nautilus and oh wait there it is conveniently. Are any of them capable of operating such a piece of made up machinery? Sure they can just catch an electrical eel to power it and let the fat comic relief character do the driving. You should not be reading this and feeling intrigued to find out more!

The film contains for me what is probably the most appalling and disgraceful use of 3D technology I’ve ever witnessed in a film in which wild berry’s are bounced of the Rock’s gyrating pecks and out into the audience. It’s absolutely shameful, but is also in a weird kind of way a highlight of the film, which pretty much sums up the mundane dreadfulness of this god awful movie.

RATING
Most people will say “it’s only a kids film, lighten up,” but I don’t buy that nonsense. As a kid I loved anything remotely giant and lizard like, but unfortunately even the giant monster that features on the poster fails to sell convincing to me. Some overgrown pet Iguana chasing ‘The Rock’ now suffering from baldness around an ‘Alice in Wonderland’ style CGI island full of giant insects and tiny elephants sounds like bollocks…… and it is!

Maniac Rating - 2 Stars